On Friday November 17th a graduate of the RSSU College phoned me. I met him and his parents at an Open Doors Day in 2018, he joined us in September that year and gave me a signed football shirt from his favourite hockey team when I left to head the International Office in November 2019. Of all the people to go serve in the Army on a contract, he was not one I expected to do so. He was in Donetsk from May to October, returning earlier this month. I picked up sadness in his voice, he said he was just too tired. He’ll return to service in mid-December, to allow married men with families home for New Year.
They never say how often Donetsk is shelled or attacked, the people there tell it’s been like this for eight years……..We had to be on guard because there were saboteurs, we even found their weapons………Worst days on the front were following along after clearing and we pick up bodies of dead, ours, theirs……..We check the personal things for identification, turn on the phone using the dead guy’s finger and see pics, that’s really tough.
He spoke rapidly, directly and with a strange tone to his voice. Like, he wasn’t the same boy who asked for a selfie with me on our 1st meeting. He was a man who had been to war. He wanted to talk. He wanted to explain. He wanted to be listened to. He certainly wasn’t boasting when he said - “Five of theirs die for one of ours.” He was sad.
To break things up I asked about his family, instantly regretting it. His Father is a bank official, his Mother a bank official, his Sister a bank official, his Brother…..a Priest. He is the youngest and his parents wanted him to study economics, he did until he signed up. He came to our College from a top Moscow school, with excellent grades and all because he listened to Capital FM, and was a fan of Capital Sports. Graduating from the College he got full scholarship offers to 3 top universities and went to his Father’s Alma Mater - Higher School of Economics. He took academic leave to serve in Ukraine.
Not happy, even my brother, who’s a big patriot…….He is against the war, even though he always complained about the church being attacked there……I’m staying with my Granma now to avoid arguments.
I switched the theme to making peace with parents and how life is short, groaning inside as I spoke - this boy has been gathering bodies from the battlefield and clearing up after citizens are shelled in residential areas. He said he’d try, before suddenly lightening up.
I think it will end soon. (I ask why? How?) When we were in …… there were groups of Ukrainians just quitting. Just surrendering. (I ask if it’s due to the ‘Volga’ call sign). Not all, some. In …… there were a whole group of thirty who gave up. Just came over to us. Most were older men, Papa’s age. They all said the same, f..king Kiev, Americans, we’re sent out to be killed and they tell us to just charge.
Despite my curiosity, I didn’t want to dig further. He talked a little more about the life he’s lived and how he almost took up smoking. I asked if he’d spoken with anyone, as in a therapist, he said he’ll consider it when he finishes his contract. He’ll go back to his studies, after taking some time off. He wants to buy an apartment, or at least use his savings for something “solid”. We promised to speak again soon, to meet for a coffee or something.
I was sitting with Tim, yesterday, listening to him chat about an incident from school and then a game. I was listening, watching and thinking back to the call. I met my former student when he was only a year older than Tim. He loved ice hockey, acting, English and travel. Replace ice hockey with rugby, and it’s Tim. It’s Tim having to use a dead man’s finger to unlock a phone in order to figure out who he is. I thought of David Cameron visiting Vladimir Zelensky this week, of how the Ukrainian leader was twitching. Of how he was complaining that ammo and money was going to Israel. I thought of how the US has frozen support for Ukraine. They must know what’s happening on the ground. They have to. There has to be a moment when the adults come back into the room and talk with each other. If western politicians can call for a ceasefire and negotiations in Palestine - why not in Ukraine? And if they do, please let the UK and US NOT wreck them this time. Because in all this madness, it’s Russians and Ukrainians dying - for what?
This really brough a tear to my eye if I'm honest. It's absolutely heartbreaking to hear these stories and there are so very many of them. It needs to stop now.